My brother visited us today with his almost 2 year old daughter (my niece). It's her b'day tomorrow when she will turn 2. This was one of the first time that i & mom have had a chance to spend the whole day with my niece.
Watching my brother with his daughter was amazing. Knowing him my whole life this is a completely different & new side of his which was revealed to me today. It made me realize that my brother who was pretty much considered very self absorbed had changed with fatherhood. He was wonderfully patient & loving with his daughter. Taking care of her, feeding her, being firm but loving.
Fatherhood certainly is an awakening for some guys. It is very nice to have a brother who is a completely hands on dad without making a big deal about it. He does everything efficiently and quietly. Its not something unusual; its perfectly natural which was the beautiful part to watch. This was someone who had never changed a nappy in his life expertly changing his daughters while I stood by wondering how does this contraption go on!
As is the way with most relationships, ours has changed too over the last few years. Growing up my brother had always been someone I could depend on to help. I suddenly realized that I would have to stop asking him for favors once he was married & not staying with us anymore. Now I hardly ever saw him & calling him up to do a favor for me seemed like an imposition. I started relying on myself only.
My niece is adorable, she spent the whole day chasing cats (who ran helter skelter avoiding her) Tangy ran behind mom seeking her help to get away from my niece...which was very funny since he for once is older that someone in our house. She ran around the whole house pulling things within her reach. Kept climbing & getting down off the sofa & table. I had to keep my glasses away from her as she kept pulling them off my face....my hair wasnt spared either. It was nice cuddling a tiny human being, i introduced her to flowers & ferns (i hope my love for gardening gene survives me) squirrels and birds around the house.
As a woman I sometimes do wonder what kind of a mother I'd be. How does one cope with some things. Guys wonder too i bet about what kind of fathers are they going to be, do we follow in our parents footsteps or do we etch our own. It is a different world from the one we grew up in with new challenges and new battles. Do we trust our instincts to make the right decision?
I have 3 very different brothers, they are completely unlike each other in their personalities and their character. I have wondered what kind of husbands & fathers they will make. Watching my elder brother I realized that we do follow in our parents footsteps...my dad was a very hands on dad...so is my brother.
Today I realized that at last my brother has become an adult! Its not actually your age or the fact that you are married but the fact that you are responsible completely for another life that brings on that change. I felf proud to watch him today; he is making mistakes, but he is learning. He is not afraid & his priorities in life have changed completely. Now its his daughter who is the apple of his eye! (instead of his bike :D)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Tiny paw marks on my life
Sometimes its the small decisions that somehow end up impacting life the most. Mom & i were discussing how much our cats have brought into our lives. We were reminiscing about the last 8 yrs of our lives.
A few near misses, some tough times, almost losing tangy twice, pinks once, jerry's umpteen injuries...but fighting on to make sure they are around sharing their life with us. It's the small daily joys which somehow make it worth living. For mom i am glad she has the rascals keeping company all day long. They worry about her too, Tangy sleeps next to her legs every afternoon. When she was sick they'd jump on the bed & sit with her from time to time.
I've accepted that Thaku is gone forever. What irks both mom & me is the not knowing. I think we all like the full stops in life. The not knowing somehow means that I can't put that full stop anywhere cause i simply don't know. I hate losing someone i love like that!
Can't believe Mouse & Pinks will be 8 next month. How time flies indeed, remember mouse as a tiny brown kitten...my first cat friend. I hope I pass on this to my kids & my nieces & nephews. It's an amazing feeling to be loved for who you are, no expectations, no confusion, you are not good or bad, you are just you.
I remember hugging my dog on days when I got shouted at by my parents for something bad i'd done & i remember his look saying its ok ...i still love you. A lick on my face always got a smile from me.
We should all have someone like that in our life! And they needn't even be furry with paws. Someone who sits besides you and knows you are glad just to have them there by your side. A look, no words are needed. Someone who knows with one look that something is wrong, by the tone of your voice. Till I find someone human who can sit besides me I think I am glad to have tiny paws and a whiskered face nudging me & saying its ok...i'm here!
A few near misses, some tough times, almost losing tangy twice, pinks once, jerry's umpteen injuries...but fighting on to make sure they are around sharing their life with us. It's the small daily joys which somehow make it worth living. For mom i am glad she has the rascals keeping company all day long. They worry about her too, Tangy sleeps next to her legs every afternoon. When she was sick they'd jump on the bed & sit with her from time to time.
I've accepted that Thaku is gone forever. What irks both mom & me is the not knowing. I think we all like the full stops in life. The not knowing somehow means that I can't put that full stop anywhere cause i simply don't know. I hate losing someone i love like that!
Can't believe Mouse & Pinks will be 8 next month. How time flies indeed, remember mouse as a tiny brown kitten...my first cat friend. I hope I pass on this to my kids & my nieces & nephews. It's an amazing feeling to be loved for who you are, no expectations, no confusion, you are not good or bad, you are just you.
I remember hugging my dog on days when I got shouted at by my parents for something bad i'd done & i remember his look saying its ok ...i still love you. A lick on my face always got a smile from me.
We should all have someone like that in our life! And they needn't even be furry with paws. Someone who sits besides you and knows you are glad just to have them there by your side. A look, no words are needed. Someone who knows with one look that something is wrong, by the tone of your voice. Till I find someone human who can sit besides me I think I am glad to have tiny paws and a whiskered face nudging me & saying its ok...i'm here!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Thaku...are memories all that I will have of u?
Thaku is missing for a month now! Thaku for the uninitiated is mom-cat. I owe her big time for all 5 kittens who she decided to have me share my life with. Have looked all over for her but can't see her anywhere. Asked people about her, wether they have seen her around but to no avail. Leads me to think something must have happened to her.
She would be waiting every evening near our staircase for me to return from work & feed her. When she stopped appearing I just thought its the heavy rains hence she is seeking shelter somewhere else. But now i guess we have to accept the inevitable. Mom is upset too & keeps looking out of the windows trying to spot her. Whats worst is the not knowing what has happened to her!
How can someone I know for over 10 years just disappear into thin air? I don't know...fear the worse that I will never see her again. Miss her like hell.
She is so formidable & fiercely independent. Even when we gave her the option of staying with us she chose not to as her freedom was valued by her. Choosing to be our friend and accepting our love was her way of showing she cared. Trusting us enough to leave her kittens with us was her ultimate acceptance of our friendship.
I respect her for her ability to survive for so many years, for being so self reliant, yet accepting my friendship, love her for being an amazing mom. The way she took care of her kids, trained them to catch baby squirrels & birds to help them be self-reliant, teaching them to cross the roads in the middle of the night, always coming home to feed them when they were kittens, cleaning & caring for them, earning their respect...it was amazing to watch.
When most people see her they see a stray cat, for me she is Thaku ...a member of my small but extended family.
She would be waiting every evening near our staircase for me to return from work & feed her. When she stopped appearing I just thought its the heavy rains hence she is seeking shelter somewhere else. But now i guess we have to accept the inevitable. Mom is upset too & keeps looking out of the windows trying to spot her. Whats worst is the not knowing what has happened to her!
How can someone I know for over 10 years just disappear into thin air? I don't know...fear the worse that I will never see her again. Miss her like hell.
She is so formidable & fiercely independent. Even when we gave her the option of staying with us she chose not to as her freedom was valued by her. Choosing to be our friend and accepting our love was her way of showing she cared. Trusting us enough to leave her kittens with us was her ultimate acceptance of our friendship.
I respect her for her ability to survive for so many years, for being so self reliant, yet accepting my friendship, love her for being an amazing mom. The way she took care of her kids, trained them to catch baby squirrels & birds to help them be self-reliant, teaching them to cross the roads in the middle of the night, always coming home to feed them when they were kittens, cleaning & caring for them, earning their respect...it was amazing to watch.
When most people see her they see a stray cat, for me she is Thaku ...a member of my small but extended family.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Cat Rules of Life
Thanks to Neha who found this. http://www.jamesshuggins.com/h/hum1/guidelines_for_cats.htm
Its one of the funniest & accurate guidelines I've ever read. They follow these like the word of god. I have a few to add here:
Doors: Make sure your human is otherwise engaged when you ask to open the door. Meow piteously and act as if door opening is a life & death situation for you. Pretend to use the door when its finally opened by human (reluctantly). Quickly return back to house from the window once human is 5 steps away from the door.
Wake your human up at odd hours of night to open doors; always ensure that they stay tuned to your habits.
Beds: Are not just for sleeping, so what if you have to share them sometimes with humans. They can adjust around your comfort. Take as much space as you can. Stretch out while sleeping. Spend as much time as possible sleeping on beds. When not sleeping they are equally good for throwing up.
When your human is sleeping, always sleep on their legs so that they can't move! If they dare to turn; get up and give looks which makes them feel guilty about waking you up!
Table Scraps: Never share your food with any humans; But they must always share their food. Give loud meows, paws on knees, bump their legs while eating. If nothing works get desperate & try to eat off their plate. (Might result in human getting annoyed; but does work at times)
Petting: Make sure you catch your human as soon as they return home. Jump on lap, purr. Get your human to massage your head & pet you. Lick human hand whenever human forgets to perform their petting duty.
Sit in chair next to your human to get proper attention. Lie on bed & meow amiably to make human scratch your tummy. Always ensure that human is not idle, tv watching is perfect time for petting you too.
Jump on lap or on stomach if lazy human is sleeping & pretending to watch tv. Make sure your large head is all your human can see till human agrees to pet you. Make huge fuss about being neglected by your human.
Hunting: Always be on the lookout for tasty scraps. Has your human left some yummy fish uncovered on the kitchen platform? Then its time for you to help yourselves to some of it. Make sure no bones are left behind for human to discover!
Always give your human some trophies, pigeon feathers, squirrel tails are all prized. Let your human know you are a fearsome hunter. Get a live squirrel & chase it around the house. Sometimes even a mouse will do.
Litter tray: Humans are lazy. Always ensure your human knows its their job to keep litter tray clean & yours to use it. Ensure you use it as soon as human has finished cleaning it up. Give human something interesting to do by ensuring that they can clean a few other places around the house too.
Its one of the funniest & accurate guidelines I've ever read. They follow these like the word of god. I have a few to add here:
Doors: Make sure your human is otherwise engaged when you ask to open the door. Meow piteously and act as if door opening is a life & death situation for you. Pretend to use the door when its finally opened by human (reluctantly). Quickly return back to house from the window once human is 5 steps away from the door.
Wake your human up at odd hours of night to open doors; always ensure that they stay tuned to your habits.
Beds: Are not just for sleeping, so what if you have to share them sometimes with humans. They can adjust around your comfort. Take as much space as you can. Stretch out while sleeping. Spend as much time as possible sleeping on beds. When not sleeping they are equally good for throwing up.
When your human is sleeping, always sleep on their legs so that they can't move! If they dare to turn; get up and give looks which makes them feel guilty about waking you up!
Table Scraps: Never share your food with any humans; But they must always share their food. Give loud meows, paws on knees, bump their legs while eating. If nothing works get desperate & try to eat off their plate. (Might result in human getting annoyed; but does work at times)
Petting: Make sure you catch your human as soon as they return home. Jump on lap, purr. Get your human to massage your head & pet you. Lick human hand whenever human forgets to perform their petting duty.
Sit in chair next to your human to get proper attention. Lie on bed & meow amiably to make human scratch your tummy. Always ensure that human is not idle, tv watching is perfect time for petting you too.
Jump on lap or on stomach if lazy human is sleeping & pretending to watch tv. Make sure your large head is all your human can see till human agrees to pet you. Make huge fuss about being neglected by your human.
Hunting: Always be on the lookout for tasty scraps. Has your human left some yummy fish uncovered on the kitchen platform? Then its time for you to help yourselves to some of it. Make sure no bones are left behind for human to discover!
Always give your human some trophies, pigeon feathers, squirrel tails are all prized. Let your human know you are a fearsome hunter. Get a live squirrel & chase it around the house. Sometimes even a mouse will do.
Litter tray: Humans are lazy. Always ensure your human knows its their job to keep litter tray clean & yours to use it. Ensure you use it as soon as human has finished cleaning it up. Give human something interesting to do by ensuring that they can clean a few other places around the house too.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Missing
Fathers Day I am sure was invented with all good intentions at heart. But it hits all of those who either have no parents or have lost a parent. Returning home this fathers day from Neha's lunch i saw this father & daughter (around 7-8 yr old) waiting to cross the road at Mahim. The father was holding his daughter's hand while crossing the road. As I watched them I was suddenly missing my dad like hell; missing holding his hand.
My father loved to hold hands. My parents romance stories when told by mom had anecdotes of him holding her hand whereever they went in public. This was pretty rare in the 60's when they were dating. Dad was always doing small things like getting a glass of water for mom at a wedding, getting her a plate of food so she didnt have to stand in a queue at a buffet etc. My parents often hugged and kissed so this was never considered odd by us when growing up. We only realized that other parents don't quite behave like them when we started going to friends houses or visited our relatives. I often wondered why my aunts & uncles showed no signs of affection towards one another in their house. My parents were often teased by my aunts & uncles because of this public display of affection.
When we were kids Dad always held our hand to help & guide us. But we still held hands even when we didn't need any guidance any more. He held my brothers hands too when we were growing up; but somewhere along the way the guys stopped holding his hand. For me; it was an automatic gesture to reach out to hold dad's hand whenever we went out. I never gave it much thought. We were often teased by dad's friends who met us when on our walks (me going to the library & dad for his evening walk)
Somehow its the small things that one always misses. Dad has been gone for a few years now. Holding hands is something that I didn't even realize I was missing till this father's day.
- Wrote this post a few days ago but never posted it. Today when I read it I still feel my eyes misting over so I guess no matter how long it is, absense never ceases to make you stop loving.
Cleaned out my drawer today and found pictures of my dog (micky) & tom who are both dead. Memories of both came flooding back while i held their pictures in my hand. I wonder if Pinks & mouse miss him as much as I do. Do they remember that they had a brother?
My father loved to hold hands. My parents romance stories when told by mom had anecdotes of him holding her hand whereever they went in public. This was pretty rare in the 60's when they were dating. Dad was always doing small things like getting a glass of water for mom at a wedding, getting her a plate of food so she didnt have to stand in a queue at a buffet etc. My parents often hugged and kissed so this was never considered odd by us when growing up. We only realized that other parents don't quite behave like them when we started going to friends houses or visited our relatives. I often wondered why my aunts & uncles showed no signs of affection towards one another in their house. My parents were often teased by my aunts & uncles because of this public display of affection.
When we were kids Dad always held our hand to help & guide us. But we still held hands even when we didn't need any guidance any more. He held my brothers hands too when we were growing up; but somewhere along the way the guys stopped holding his hand. For me; it was an automatic gesture to reach out to hold dad's hand whenever we went out. I never gave it much thought. We were often teased by dad's friends who met us when on our walks (me going to the library & dad for his evening walk)
Somehow its the small things that one always misses. Dad has been gone for a few years now. Holding hands is something that I didn't even realize I was missing till this father's day.
- Wrote this post a few days ago but never posted it. Today when I read it I still feel my eyes misting over so I guess no matter how long it is, absense never ceases to make you stop loving.
Cleaned out my drawer today and found pictures of my dog (micky) & tom who are both dead. Memories of both came flooding back while i held their pictures in my hand. I wonder if Pinks & mouse miss him as much as I do. Do they remember that they had a brother?
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